Finding Alana Read online

  He glares.

  Justin glides lithely up the stairs with a box of linens and neatly shoves Cam with his shoulder when he passes. “You okay, buddy? Do we need to start working out again? Eating Kate’s food and being her slave day and night is not agreeing with your physical needs, man.”

  Cameron doesn’t laugh, only sulks down the steps to retrieve more boxes.

  Moving day hasn’t been a happy experience for me in a very long time. Today is different. Today marks the start of my happily ever after. Cameron and Justin are helping me settle in before I collect Ethan from foster care and bring him home for good.

  We’ve had some amazing supervised visits. In the last month, they’ve been less supervised as Dinah made her decision that I could have him. Ethan’s done well with counseling. He wanted me to attend the sessions with him, and the psychologist thought that was a great idea. Together we’ve been working toward building a life that is healthy and happy.

  I’m aware, more than Ethan is, that life won’t always be an episode of Leave it to Beaver. Those cheesy happy faces you see on TV are a façade, and I know it. But we have an opportunity to be together, and to try to overcome the darkness and demons that haunt our dreams. The dreams and nightmares are shifting. There’s less fear and more hope. For that, I’m thankful.

  Justin was disappointed when I told him that I didn’t want to live with him. He understands Ethan and I need this. We need to be a family first, and anyone else will have to work themselves in over time.

  Building a bond and a trust with Ethan is my top priority. Further, Ethan needs to get settled into school. In an effort to control him, Kent had been “homeschooling.”.

  This kept him from making friends outside of his dad, which partially explains his reluctance to be open with the psychologist at first. Plus, his lack of interaction with other kids explains his infrequent violent outbursts in foster care.

  At eight years old, he didn’t know how to work and play with other children. All of which has gotten better with the right attention and guidance.

  Recently, Dinah and I took him to the school he’ll attend and had his competency in core subjects tested. He scored off the charts with reading, but barely third grade level for all other subjects. Still it was enough to enroll him with his proper age group. We also met with the counselor for his grade, and the teachers she recommended he be with for his first year of public school. They have all expressed commitments to watching out for him and understanding his background. His needs are different from that of other children his age. Together, I think we’ll be able to have a successful year. Initially, Ethan was scared of the school, and we worked through that together. He seems to be looking forward to recess the most!

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  “Deep thoughts?” Justin whispers softly in my ear as he wraps his arms around my waist from behind.

  I’m startled because I hadn’t realized I was frozen in my unpacking of the wineglasses. Lost in my own thoughts, Justin had the chance to sneak up on me. My answer is nothing more than a sound effect, “Mmhmm.”

  He hums in my ear before saying, “Cameron and Kate went home. We have everything unloaded.”

  Leaning back in his arms, I nuzzle under his chin, and drop a small kiss there. “So we’re alone?”

  “We are,” he growls in a low voice. “Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve been alone?” He plants kisses slowly from the top of my head, then behind my ear, and starts down my neck.

  Shivers run down my spine, and my skin turns into goosebumps. “I quit counting. I’m sorry it’s been so long.” My words are barely a mutter.

  Still trailing kisses across the back of my neck and onto my shoulders, he whispers, “Shhhhh. Let me seduce you.”

  I laugh. “I prefer to be wooed.”

  Frustrated now, he says, “If you would stop talking, I would woo you.”

  Turning, I lift my arms and wrap them around the back of his neck and whisper, “Woo me, baby,” before I kiss the tip of his nose then offer my mouth to him.

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  We make love in my disheveled apartment all afternoon and fall asleep wrapped around each other in the middle of the living room floor. I’m startled awake by my cell phone. When I sit up, I’m disoriented. It feels like I’ve been asleep for a hundred years and have no concept of what a cell phone is. “Fuck!” I say to no one when I jump up and run to grab it, but whoever it was hung up. I quickly unlock it to see I’ve missed a call from Rhae. Immediately, I call back.

  “Hey! I’m sorry I couldn’t get to the phone fast enough.”

  Her answer is a sniffle. “Irma passed.”

  My breath catches in my throat, and my mind begins to spin. “What?”

  “We knew she didn’t have long. It happened this morning. She just didn’t wake up.”

  Tears are flowing down my cheeks, and I try to staunch the sound in my voice when I ask, “What do you need me to do?”

  Her answer is calm, “Nothing. Irma took care of her own arrangements. All we have to do is show up.”

  I smile. “That was her way. We’ll be there. Tell me when and where.”

  Two days later, Justin, Ethan and I are at Irma’s funeral. It’s a dichotomy of emotion as we are sad to have lost her, but her instructions were for her funeral to be a celebration. There are balloons and streamers everywhere.

  The flowers are beautiful lilies selected by Irma to make it bright and cheerful. She always told me roses were for lovers and not for funerals. Rhae and Cade look exhausted, but are all smiles through their tears. The music is bright and ever-so-Irma. Her end is as big as her life was.

  The preacher she asked to speak seems to be a bit drunk. My suspicions are confirmed when he slurs his words. I don’t hear most of his sermon, but my ears perk up when he talks about how she helped him. How he was lost and wandering alone until he crossed paths with a woman of immense strength and vision.

  Then he instructs us via letter from Irma, “Go forth and celebrate life. My life isn’t ending, it’s beginning. I’ve been waiting for the day when I would be with my husband again and feel his love once more. I’ve waited for the day I would meet my savior and have every question I’ve ever wondered answered.

  “Don’t think for one minute I’ve given up watching over my babies. You are all my babies by blood and by heart. Rhae, I’m going to meet your mama. We have things to discuss, and I have a full update for her. Cade, you are the best of us. Take care of your sweet Rhae. Make her your bride already! Alana, my sweet girl. You have so much life ahead of you. There are so many things coming your way, and you will be great at handling all of them. Love that boy of yours.”

  My heart breaks with joy and fear at the words in her letter. I know there are so many more obstacles coming. But that’s life. A life I have to live. A life that is full of hope and possibility! How cheesy. I’ve never felt optimistic before, and it rather skeeves me out.

  I escaped all charges in the incident with Kent and returned to work as if nothing ever happened. All around me are miracles. None of this should have happened the way that it did, yet it’s perfect that it happened.

  The thing about getting through tough situations is that when you look back, you can see how things that seemed to be all wrong and a mess were really in the plan and had to happen so much better times would come.

  If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this crazy life I’ve lived, it’s that you have to embrace the bad to get to the good. And the good is pretty great.

  About the Author

  Meg Farrell was born and raised in Mississippi where she and her husband, Jason, still make their home. The Farrells have 3 children, 3 surly cats, and 2 sweet dogs.

  Most of the time Meg can be found running between softball fields, hockey rinks, band concerts, and various sports lessons with the kids. Meg is an avid reader and will read any book from any genre.

  Truth be told, she is a ridiculous f
an of Supernatural (yes, the show.)

  In February 2016, Meg received an award from the readers of the DeSoto Times Tribune naming her as DeSoto County Mississippi’s Best Author 2015.

  A Place to Stand is Meg’s first book which was written during NaNoWriMo 2013 and released July 2014. It is available on Amazon for purchase as a print book or e-book.

  Connect with Meg on social media:

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  Contact Meg for speaking engagements or conference appearances at [email protected] .

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